Friday, January 8, 2010

Wiener Wisdom #8

Okay, I'm a wittle ticked off wiener right now! Wanna nos why? 'Cause of peeple dat post comments on my blog dat are jest twyin' to get me to go to der Web site to sell me sumthin! Jest be forewarned, if ewe are a spammer, I will delete ur comment every single time! I've alweady done it four times tonight an will continue!

Wiener Wisdom #8: Don't mess wid a wittle wiener 'cause we gots weally sharp teeth!

Twust me, ewe do not wanna make dis wiener mad! Jest ask Katie! See dos teeth?! :)

Sheesh! Now I gots to go get a tweat or sumthin' to calm down!

Wemember, if ewe wanna post, I'd luv for ewe to post, but if ur gonna spam, we're gonna bite ewe in da patootie!

Jazzy the Amazing Wiener


Thursday, January 7, 2010

Wiener Wisdom #7

Hey all ewe wiener lovers! I nos dat ewe haf been waiting patiently for my latest updates to Wiener Wisdom. My Papa had an akcident, so I'z had to be wid him. But he's bedder now, so I'm back doling out all da wisdom I haf! Weady for my next one?

Wiener Wisdom #7: Kitty crunchies may look like Tootsie rolls, but twust me, dey don't taste like 'em! :P

Seriously, peeple, dey don't taste nuthin' like Tootsie Rolls! Ick is all I gots to say! Ick, ick, and where is da wiener mouthwash?!

Jazzy the Amazing Wiener


Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Wiener Wisdom #6

Hey all ewe wiener lovers! Here's anoder great Wiener Wisdom coming ur way from Jazzy the Wise and Amazing Wiener! Weady?

Wiener Wisdom #6: Wen da temperature is -XX it don't matter what da XX is. Ur gonna freeze ur patootie off!

Wen it's cold, nap!

See, dey've been sayin' all day dat it's gonna be weally cold tonight and it's gonna be zero an -10 and -20 win chills. I don't nos whut all dat meens, but whut I do no is dat will freeze ur patootie off no matter what da number is afer da minus sign!

I've alweady tol Mom dat der is no way I'm gonna go outside in dis, so she jest eider bring in some grass or put down a puppy pad! She tol me it was negotiable. Ha! I don't tink so!

So, if ewe nos sumone dat has anipals dat need shelter, help dem out! It's too cold in dis kind of weather to leave dem out, even if ewe do put straw down. Help out dos dat can't help demself, okay?

In da meentime, stay warm!

Jazzy the Amazing Wiener


Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Wiener Wisdom #5

Hey all ewe wiener wisdom! I iz back wid my Wiener Wisdom, which is obviously very wise! Weady for #5?

Wiener Wisdom #5: Naps are always bedder wid Mamaw
My Mamaw an me napping!

For me, der is nuthin' bedder dan snugglin' in for a nap wid my Mamaw! I luvs her so much! She's da one dat found me, so my Momma and Papa cud come get me. Now, like I's sed before, my family tree is a bit weird, so if ewe want da breakdown, my Mom is my Mamaw's daughter, and my Papa is my Mamaw's grandson an my Mom's nephew. It's one of dos weird Arkansas tings! And yep, I can say dat 'cause I'm a Razorback! I's comes from Arkansas!

Anyway, where was I?

Oh, yeah, napping. Sorry...must haf nodded off der!

See, naps wid Mamaw are awesome 'cause she takes one afer lunch, which is wen I like to take naps. Well, I likes to take naps all da time, but lunch is one of my favorites! It's sorta like da after dinner nap, and da before bedtime nap and da midnight nap...ewe get my drift!

So, like I sed in one of my New Year's Rezolushuns, which was take more naps, if ewe can take 'em wid ur Mamaw, dey are even bedder!

Gotta go nap!

Jazzy the Amazing Wiener


Sunday, January 3, 2010

Wiener Wisdom #3

Hey all ewe wiener lovers! I'm back at 'cha wid da third installment of Wiener Wisdom. Are ewe weady for it?

Wiener Wisdom #3: Why walk wen ewe kan make ur hewmon carry ewe?

My Poppa an me!

Now, I nos for sum of ewe dat's jest not an option. Katie twied it for a longtime an even now she twies to climb up on Mom to get carried. But she jest looks silly! An sure, maybe a Saint Bernard or Mastiff or sumthin' like dat kan't be carried around...

Me, on da oder hand, I'm jest da perfect size for my hewmons to pick me up an carry me everywhere! I learned early on dat if I look up at my hewmons wid weally sad little eyes, dey will do jest about anyting! Now dat's a secret, so don't be tellin' Mom or givin' her dis Web address, okay? I gots to keep my hewmons in line, an if sad wittle Wiener eyes works, den I'll do it!

So remember, why walk wen ewe kan be carried! :)

Jazzy the Amazing Wiener


Saturday, January 2, 2010

Wiener Wisdom #2

Hey all ewe wiener lovers! I'm back wid my next Wiener Wisdom installment. Don't ewe feel urself gettin' smart already?!

Wiener Wisdom #2: Winter's not so much fun wen ur belly is only two inches off da ground!

Even wen I'm freezin' I'm one hot dog!

Dis pikchur was an ice storm from a few years ago an I learned my lesson den: ur belly freezes off wen ewe go outside in it! So now I don't wander around anymore, dat's why Mom don't haf any new pikchurs of me in da snow. I ain't posin' in da freezin' cold unless I get something special written in my kontract!

Now wen it snows, I goes out, dos my bidness, den I high-tail it back to da house! Wight now, I'm lyin' on my bed in front of where da heat comes out. I'm one smart wiener!

Haf a gud day, all ewe wieners!

Jazzy the Amazing Wiener


Friday, January 1, 2010

Wiener Wisdom #1

Hey all ewe wiener lovers! I promised dat I wud start a new column called Wiener Wisdom and I'm a wiener of my wurd, so here we go!

Wiener Wisdom #1: Avoid da yellow snow!

Privacy, Mom! Haf ewe hurd of it?
Trust me, it's not lemon-flavored! An dos brown tings aren't tootsie rolls, my sweet! I learned dat a longtime ago wen Grady was alive. He made lots of yellow snow! Wen I was jest a baby, I thought dat it wud taste gud, but tank dog Grady caught me before I licked it! So, now even tho I like to pick on Katie, I did warn her about da yellow snow. She keeps tryin' to get Lily to eat it, but tank dog dat Lily is smart enuff not to eider!

So there ewe haf it,Wiener Wisdom #1. Now I haf to do #2, 3, and 4 so I can get caught up! By da end of next year, I hopes to haf 365 days of Wiener Wisdom.

See ya later, my sweets!

Jazzy the Amazing Wiener