WienerBites

Wiener Wisdom #8

2010-01-08T23:41:00.000-06:00

Okay, I'm a wittle ticked off wiener right now! Wanna nos why? 'Cause of peeple dat post comments on my blog dat are jest twyin' to get me to go to der Web site to sell me sumthin! Jest be forewarned, if ewe are a spammer, I will delete ur comment every single time! I've alweady done it four times tonight an will continue!

Wiener Wisdom #8: Don't mess wid a wittle wiener 'cause we gots weally sharp teeth!

Twust me, ewe do not wanna make dis wiener mad! Jest ask Katie! See dos teeth?! :)

Sheesh! Now I gots to go get a tweat or sumthin' to calm down!

Wemember, if ewe wanna post, I'd luv for ewe to post, but if ur gonna spam, we're gonna bite ewe in da patootie!

Luv,
Jazzy the Amazing Wiener

Wiener Wisdom #7

2010-01-07T11:15:00.002-06:00

Hey all ewe wiener lovers! I nos dat ewe haf been waiting patiently for my latest updates to Wiener Wisdom. My Papa had an akcident, so I'z had to be wid him. But he's bedder now, so I'm back doling out all da wisdom I haf! Weady for my next one?

Wiener Wisdom #7: Kitty crunchies may look like Tootsie rolls, but twust me, dey don't taste like 'em! :P

Seriously, peeple, dey don't taste nuthin' like Tootsie Rolls! Ick is all I gots to say! Ick, ick, and where is da wiener mouthwash?!

Luv,
Jazzy the Amazing Wiener

TylerDog Cards featured on Romeo the Cat

2010-01-06T18:32:00.001-06:00

Hey all ewe wiener lovers! I gots to give props to Mom over at TylerDog Cards. Romeo the Cat, a very purty Persian writed about her in his blog! See, for dos of ewe who don't no, like maybe two peeple in da whole world, Mom has been takin' pikchurs of da dogs an cats at de Washington County SPCA every week since August 2009. Ever since den, der Web site has been inundated wid visits and da animals are gettin' a lot more exposure! I tweet about it all da time, so does Mom, an wen Romeo came calling, he sed he wanted to write a story about it. I tink dat is jest too cool an for dat, we send Wiener kisses to Romeo!!!

Anyways, if ewe want to wead about it, here's da link to Romeo the Cat's blog. Enjoy!

Luv,
Jazzy the Amazing Wiener

Wiener Wisdom #6

2010-01-06T18:23:00.001-06:00

Hey all ewe wiener lovers! Here's anoder great Wiener Wisdom coming ur way from Jazzy the Wise and Amazing Wiener! Weady?

Wiener Wisdom #6: Wen da temperature is -XX it don't matter what da XX is. Ur gonna freeze ur patootie off!

Wen it's cold, nap!

See, dey've been sayin' all day dat it's gonna be weally cold tonight and it's gonna be zero an -10 and -20 win chills. I don't nos whut all dat meens, but whut I do no is dat will freeze ur patootie off no matter what da number is afer da minus sign!

I've alweady tol Mom dat der is no way I'm gonna go outside in dis, so she jest eider bring in some grass or put down a puppy pad! She tol me it was negotiable. Ha! I don't tink so!

So, if ewe nos sumone dat has anipals dat need shelter, help dem out! It's too cold in dis kind of weather to leave dem out, even if ewe do put straw down. Help out dos dat can't help demself, okay?

In da meentime, stay warm!

Luv,
Jazzy the Amazing Wiener

Wiener Wisdom #5

2010-01-05T18:11:00.001-06:00

Hey all ewe wiener wisdom! I iz back wid my Wiener Wisdom, which is obviously very wise! Weady for #5?

Wiener Wisdom #5: Naps are always bedder wid Mamaw

My Mamaw an me napping!

For me, der is nuthin' bedder dan snugglin' in for a nap wid my Mamaw! I luvs her so much! She's da one dat found me, so my Momma and Papa cud come get me. Now, like I's sed before, my family tree is a bit weird, so if ewe want da breakdown, my Mom is my Mamaw's daughter, and my Papa is my Mamaw's grandson an my Mom's nephew. It's one of dos weird Arkansas tings! And yep, I can say dat 'cause I'm a Razorback! I's comes from Arkansas!

Anyway, where was I?

Oh, yeah, napping. Sorry...must haf nodded off der!

See, naps wid Mamaw are awesome 'cause she takes one afer lunch, which is wen I like to take naps. Well, I likes to take naps all da time, but lunch is one of my favorites! It's sorta like da after dinner nap, and da before bedtime nap and da midnight nap...ewe get my drift!

So, like I sed in one of my New Year's Rezolushuns, which was take more naps, if ewe can take 'em wid ur Mamaw, dey are even bedder!

Gotta go nap!

Luv,

Jazzy the Amazing Wiener

Wiener Wisdom #4

2010-01-04T16:38:00.005-06:00

Hey all ewe wiener lovers! I'm back wid my next tidbit of Wiener Wisdom. Aren't ewe excited!

Wiener Wisdom #4: Never trust dat a treat doesn't haf sumthin' hidden inside...like a pill!

Dat's whut I tink of sneaky treats!

See, dos hewmons of ours, dey sumtimes tink dat dey haf to trick us into takin' our medicine an stuff. So dey get out da peanut butter, dey get out da hot dogs, dey resort to flat-out trickery! It's jest not wight, I tell ewe! Now I never nos if Mom is givin' me a treat jest 'cause I'm the princess dat I am or if she's sneekin' sum glue-cosa...gluckomeen...glue stuff into my treat to make my back bedder! She's makin' me paranoid, I swear!

So, a word to da wise...sniff dos treats gud before ewe bite into it! An it doesn't hurt to pretend to be a cat, every so often, an gack it back up if ewe find da pill!

Luv,
Jazzy the Amazing Wiener

Wiener Wisdom #3

2010-01-03T16:20:00.000-06:00

Hey all ewe wiener lovers! I'm back at 'cha wid da third installment of Wiener Wisdom. Are ewe weady for it?

Wiener Wisdom #3: Why walk wen ewe kan make ur hewmon carry ewe?

My Poppa an me!

Now, I nos for sum of ewe dat's jest not an option. Katie twied it for a longtime an even now she twies to climb up on Mom to get carried. But she jest looks silly! An sure, maybe a Saint Bernard or Mastiff or sumthin' like dat kan't be carried around...

Me, on da oder hand, I'm jest da perfect size for my hewmons to pick me up an carry me everywhere! I learned early on dat if I look up at my hewmons wid weally sad little eyes, dey will do jest about anyting! Now dat's a secret, so don't be tellin' Mom or givin' her dis Web address, okay? I gots to keep my hewmons in line, an if sad wittle Wiener eyes works, den I'll do it!

So remember, why walk wen ewe kan be carried! :)

Luv,
Jazzy the Amazing Wiener

Wiener Wisdom #2

2010-01-02T13:39:00.000-06:00

Hey all ewe wiener lovers! I'm back wid my next Wiener Wisdom installment. Don't ewe feel urself gettin' smart already?!

Wiener Wisdom #2: Winter's not so much fun wen ur belly is only two inches off da ground!

Even wen I'm freezin' I'm one hot dog!

Dis pikchur was an ice storm from a few years ago an I learned my lesson den: ur belly freezes off wen ewe go outside in it! So now I don't wander around anymore, dat's why Mom don't haf any new pikchurs of me in da snow. I ain't posin' in da freezin' cold unless I get something special written in my kontract!

Now wen it snows, I goes out, dos my bidness, den I high-tail it back to da house! Wight now, I'm lyin' on my bed in front of where da heat comes out. I'm one smart wiener!

Haf a gud day, all ewe wieners!

Luv,
Jazzy the Amazing Wiener

Wiener Wisdom #1

2010-01-01T23:18:00.000-06:00

Hey all ewe wiener lovers! I promised dat I wud start a new column called Wiener Wisdom and I'm a wiener of my wurd, so here we go!

Wiener Wisdom #1: Avoid da yellow snow!

Privacy, Mom! Haf ewe hurd of it?

Trust me, it's not lemon-flavored! An dos brown tings aren't tootsie rolls, my sweet! I learned dat a longtime ago wen Grady was alive. He made lots of yellow snow! Wen I was jest a baby, I thought dat it wud taste gud, but tank dog Grady caught me before I licked it! So, now even tho I like to pick on Katie, I did warn her about da yellow snow. She keeps tryin' to get Lily to eat it, but tank dog dat Lily is smart enuff not to eider!

So there ewe haf it,Wiener Wisdom #1. Now I haf to do #2, 3, and 4 so I can get caught up! By da end of next year, I hopes to haf 365 days of Wiener Wisdom.

See ya later, my sweets!

Luv,
Jazzy the Amazing Wiener

New Year's Resolution #1

2010-01-01T22:48:00.001-06:00

Hey, all ewe wiener lovers! I nos dat ewe haf been waiting with bated breath (no, not bad breath, bated breath!) to see whut my New Year's Rezolushun #1 is, right? Okay, without further adieu...

New Year's Rezolushun #1: Love one another!

I look thrilled, don't I?

Even tho I always talk about how dopey Katie is and all dat mean wiener stuff, I weally do luv her. I gots to thinkin' about dat de oder day wen she comed over to my bed (well it's weally her bed, but dat's anoder story for anoder day), and laid down next to me. She was weally warm, so I snuggled up next to her, she put her hed next to mine, and we went to sleep. Dat's when I new whut my New Year's Rezolushun #1 was going to be: Love one another!

See, I tink da biggest ting dat's wrong wid da world today is peeple haf forgotten how to love one anoder. An I'm not talkin' about dat gooey, google-eye, moony-type luv dat ewe hewmons seem to engage in on a wegular basis (seriously, sniffin' butts is much faster!)! Us dogs, we love each oder all da time. Sure, we bark and snarl and stuff, but dat's only so we find out who's who an where dey fit in da pack. Not everybody can be da leader. Dat's my job! But once we gots it figgered out, most of da time we gets along jest fine wid each oder! It's da hewmons dat normally 'cause problems in da pack!

Us dogs, we don't kare if anoder dog is fat or skinny or tall or short or black or white or yellow or whutever! We don't kare if ur a Doberman Pinscher or Catahoula or Rhodesian Ridgeback or Boston Terrier or MinPin! We don't kare if anoder dog has a fancy collar or jest a rope. We don't kare if anoder dog has bad breath or not. We jest don't kare. It's not part of how we luv one anoder at all 'cause we don't get caught up in all dat stuff! All we see is DOG! An wen we sees DOG, we nos dat dey are part of our pack.

But ewe hewmons...gosh, where do I start? I alweady talked about how ewe rush around all da time, forgetting da tings dat are important. I talked about how ewe shud stop an smell da roses an I talked about how ewe shud keep ur nose kleen. Yet most important, I tink, is dat ewe haf forgotten how to love one anoder. Ewe haf forgotten dat ewe are all part of da same big pack! Sometimes it seems like so many peeple are angry or sad or somewhere in between. Dey haf forgotten how to be happy 'cause dey haf forgotten how to love. Dey haf forgotten dey're part of the world pack an let's face it, peeple, we needs one anoder.

Ewe might say, "What the heck do you know? You're just a wiener!" Yep, dat is wight; I is jest a wittle wiener. But I learned a longtime ago dat luv is da one ting that makes a difference in dis world. I'm talking about selfless, giving of ur heart kinda love dat touches oder people, dat weaches out to da brokenhearted, to da sad, to the lonely ones of da world pack. I sorta touched on dat idea yesterday when I talked about helpin' oders, leadin' up to today.

See, wen ewe is full of love, it's hard to feel meen or hold grudges or talk about ur neighbor. Wen ewe is full of love, ur not lookin' over ur shoulder, waitin' for sumone to be mean to ewe. Wen ewe is full of love, ur heart is light. It's happy. If ur heart is full of luv, der is jest no room in it for anyting else. I meen, jest look at all da luv we hear about...

Da Big Guy upstairs said, "Love one another as I have loved you."*

Da Beatles sang, "All you need is love..."

England Dan and John Ford Coley sang, "Light of the world, shine on me, love is the answer..."

Okay, so Mom listens to 70's music a lot! It's not like I can weach da iPod controls! :)

Do a search on Google an ewe'll find 1.49 trillion results for da word love! Yeah, sum of dem are prolly bad stuff, so don't go look! :)

Anyways, I digress...

Us dogs, if sumthin' happens an it makes one of us mad, we might growl, snap, show our teeth, but den seconds later, it's ofer, long forgotten an we're back to playin'. Ewe hewmons, on da oder hand, whoa Nellie! Sumthin' makes one of ewes mad an boy, ewe guys shure kan hold onto grudges an hurt feelings! Why? Weally, whut gud is it doing any of ewe to hold onto sumthin' jest 'cause? All it does it take up space in ur heart dat ewe cud fill up wid love an be much happier!

See, I kompletely belief dat if hewmanity will weally learn to luv one anoder as da Big Guy has loved us, den we cud accomplish amazing tings! If we cud put aside slights an hurts an learn to forgive, we cud weally change da world! An all it takes is filling ur heart wid love.

"How in the world can I do that," ewe ask? If ewe want love, give love. Help a stranger. Visit an elderly person. Rescue an animal. Volunteer ur time. Help a child learn to read. A famous American writer once sed, "The love we give away is the only love we keep." An dat is so true! If ewe wanna keep luv in ur heart, give love! Every single time dat ewe help anoder person, ewe are jest puttin' money in da love bank!

I nos dat it's not easy in today's world to be happy. Der is sad stuff everyday an ewe might tink dat 'cause ur jest one person, ewe can't make much difference. But dat is so not true! The power of one is whut makes dis world strong! Da power of one person who tries can move mountains. Da power of one person who stands up for change will see change. I tink dat Mother Teresa sed it best, "In this life we cannot always do great things. But we can do small things with great love."

An on dat note, I wish ewe great luv dis year an more. Fill ur heart with luv.

Luv,
Jazzy the Amazing Wiener

*John 15:12

New Year's Resolution #2

2009-12-31T13:08:00.005-06:00

Hey, all ewe wiener lovers! Are ewe weady for New Year's Rezolushun #2 yet? Here we go...

New Year's Rezolushun #2: Keep ur nose kleen!

Regal-looking, izn't it?!

Now, ewe might ask, whut eggactly does "keep ur nose kleen" haf to do wid New Year's Rezolushuns? An no, it's not boogers! Let me tell ewe...

See, us dogs do everyting wid our noses! Wen we's born, we can't see or hear nuthin, but we can smell. It's de only ting dat weally works on us, so everyting we do is tied into our noses. We nos our Momma by our nose, we nos where da milk is by our nose, everyting!

As we get older, our noses can sumtimes get us into trouble! For eggsample, wen I smells sumthin' weally gud, I tells Katie about it an she normally will wun into da kitchen to see whut it is. Of course, dis meens jumpin' up on da counter to see whut Mom cooked, which meens dat Mom will yell at her to get off da counter an den she gets into trouble! So, maybe I shud rephrase dat: my nose can get Katie into trouble! ha ha ha!

Sorry, I digress. I kan't help but be meen to Katie sumtimes. It's just part of who I am. An evil wittle wiener! :)

Anyway, I meens, how many of ewe haf been out walking wid ur dogs an suddenly dey get a scent of sumthin' an da next ting ewe nos, ur hangin' on for dear life as ur dog takes off afer da scent? Oh, ewe nos it happens. I see dogs walkin' der peeple by my house all da time!

Whut I meen to illustrate wid des stories is dat sumtimes our noses go where dey don't belong. An da same ting cud be sed for hewmons. Sumtimes I see hewmons stick der noses in places I wouldn't even put dem (like near Lily's butt for one!)!! Hewmons don't tink sumtimes, dey jest stick der noses in, sniff around, an da next ting ewe nos, dey is in trouble! Why do ewe tink dat da news is so full of bad stuff all da time? It's because peeple are stickin' der noses in where dey don't belong.

Who am I to make dis kind of broad pronouncement, ewe ask? Well, for one, I am Jazzy the Amazing Wiener an I pays attenshun to a lot of stuff. Tink about it. Peeple start wars all da time. How comes? Normally 'cause sum dodo head decides he's gonna stick his nose over in his neighbors land and decide he wants it. Da whole "grass is greener..." ting! Peeple get divorced a lot an how comes? A lotta times 'cause one person sniffed anoder person an thought dat dey smelled bedder dan their old person at home! Peeple gets mad at der neighbors. How comes? Most of da time 'cause dey stick der noses in where dey don't belong, gossip, an make each oder mad.

Why all dis stickin' noses in where dey don't belong? Why all da fighting and gossip and sniffin' places ewe shudn't? What happened to being honest an trustworthy an mindful of oders? I tink a lot of times dat we forget dat da Good Book says dat we're supposed to do to oders whut we wud like dem to do to us.*

Whut dis meens is, if ewe want sumone to treat ewe well, den ewe shud treat dem well. If ewe do dis, does it meen it will happen? Nope. Der are a lot of times dat ewe can be weally nice to peeple an dey still will treat ewe like...well...a dog. Does it meen dat ewe shud be mean back to dem? Nope. It meens dat ewe shud still twy to be good to dem. Why, ewe ask? 'Cause it's da right ting to do. Ewe never nos whut sumone else is going thru. Maybe dey are going thru a weally hard time or dey are sad or scared or alone. An maybe, jest maybe, ewe being nice to dem will be da one bright spot dey haf in der day. Maybe dey won't show how much it meens to dem and maybe dey might jest not be nice back. But ewe will haf shown love to sumone who desperately needs it. An weally, isn't dat whut it's all about anyway? Love? It's whut it shud be about.

See, love kan change da world. Ofer 2,000 years ago, da love of one Man changed a world condemned to sorrow. "Well, the world is still pretty sorry..." ewe might say. Yeah, in many aspects it is, I agree. Der are wars, an kids goin' to bed hungry at night, an millions of animals beeing killed each year, an sick peeple gettin' sicker. Der is a lot of sadness in da world.. Yep, you'll find sadness and sorrow...if dat's whut ur lookin' for.

But there's a lot of beauty and goodness in da world, too. Peeple who twy an make a difference in da lives of oders, not because dey hope for fame or fortune, but only because it's da wight ting to do -- des are da beeutiful. Everytime I watch da TV an I sees peeple like da CNN 2009 Heroes or da peeple who are stuck on da front lines defending our freedoms or da peeple who do da dirty jobs dat no ones wants. Tink about it. Der are beeutiful peeple in da world, helping oders every single day an most of da time, dey never get recognized for whut dey do. Dey jest do it because dey haf hearts full of love an dey want to help.

Back in August, da first time dat my Mom went out to da Washington County SPCA to take pikchurs of da homeless dogs an cats, she cried like a baby. She walked past a whole pack of puppies an one of dem had a sign on it's cage dat sed, "Going home!" Ewe wud tink dat wud make her happy, an it did, but it also made her realize dat for sum of dem, dey wud never get to no a loving home. So dat was wen Mom decided dat she wud keep takin' der pikchurs for as long as it takes until every single one of dos dogs an cats haf signs dat say "Going home!" Dat's whut I'm talkin' about...hearts full of love dat want to help!

So, I want ewe to tink about dat as we gets weady to leaf 2009 an head into a new decade for 2010. Is ur nose in da wight place? Are ewe keepin' it kleen? Are ewe weady to sniff out new opportunities to make tings bedder dis year?

I've given ewe four great rezolushuns so far:

New Year's Rezolushun #5: Be nicer to Dopey Katie!
New Year's Rezolushun #4: Take more naps!
New Year's Rezolushun #3: Stop an smell da roses!
New Year's Rezolushun #2: Keep ur nose kleen!

An if ewe comes back tomorrow, ewe will gets to find out whut my New Year's Rezolushun #1 will be!

On dat note, I want to wish ewe a safe and Happy New Year! Do sumthin' different dis year...share sum love!

Luv,
Jazzy the Amazing Wiener

*Luke 6:31

New Year's Resolution #3

2009-12-30T15:11:00.003-06:00

Hey, all ewe wiener lovers! It's time for New Year's Rezolushun #3. Are ewe ready?

New Year's Rezolushun #3: Stop an smell da roses!

Hmm, smells like chicken!

Now, if ewe wead my blog post from yesterday, ewe nos dat I talked about how it seems dat all hewmons do is run around doing all kinds of tings, but sumtimes it seems like dat's all ewe do: run around. But ewe haf to ask urself: are ewe weally happy wunning around all da time?

See, my point (an I do haf one!), is dat sumtimes it's more important to stop wunning around an take a moment to breathe. I meen, look at us dogs. Whut is one of da first tings dat we do wen we go outside? Well, afer barkin' an dooing our bidness....we throw our heads back, put our noses into da air, and sniff. Why? Well, if ur standing by Lily, dat might not be a gud ting 'cause she lets stinkers! But most of da time, it's 'cause we wanna "see" whut's going on. Dat's how us dogs see stuff: we take time to sniff da world around us. An we learn a lot: who's been in our yard, whut's going on down da street with Pumpkin Pie, da Old English Sheepdog, an all kinds of tings!

Hewmons, on da oder hand, sumtimes get so bizzy dat dey miss some of da beauty around dem. Like Mom, she sumtimes gets worried about stuff. I hears her talkin' to Mamaw a lot (hey, it's not eavesdroppin' if ur lyin' in ur bed next to da phone!) an dey talk about de economy. Dey talk about Mom's bidness. Dey talk about how meen peeple seem to be these days. Shoot, Mom's iPhone goes off like 10 times a day wid "Braking News" alerts from CNN an not one of dem is ever gud news, so dey talk about dat, too.

Sumtimes, I jest wanna tell Mom, "Hey, Mom? Yeah, all dat stuff might be true. But at da same time, haf ewe went outside an seen how purty da sky looks? Did ewe see how da snow glistens wen da sun hits it? Haf ewe looked into my gorgeous brown eyes an seen how purty I am?" I meen, come on peeple! We are surrounded by a wealth of beautiful tings everywhere. An like I sed yesterday, why worry? It don't do nuthin' except rob ewe of good energy ewe cud haf used for today!

See, us dogs, we gots it right. Jest like I sed yesterday, we don't fret over da past, we don't worry about da future, we lives in da now. We nos how to stop an smell da roses, to appreciate da wittle tings around us. An no, dat wasn't a wittle wiener joke! The Good Book sed dat da birds don't worry about sowin' or reapin' but yet God feeds dem. An if He feeds dem, den surely we are much more important dan da birds, wight?* (No offense to any of my feathered friends! :)

Wen it comes wight down to it, it's da wittle tings dat matter. Seeing ur grandbaby's first smile or watching da sun come up over the hillside. Watching puppies play in da snow or the wonder in a child's face da first time dey see a snowflake. Helping dat stranger on da side of da road when it's pouring rain outside an no one else will stop to help. Des are da kind of tings dat matter. Not gettin' dat new 60-inch flat-screen (altho dat wud be nice, Mom! I cud watch all da Dog Whisperer episodes frum my bed!), or worryin' about wether ur portfolio is gonna go up or down. Sure, we gots to plan for da future. But we don't haf to worry about da future. It won't change it, no matter how much we worry. In fact, the Big Guy upstairs sed, "Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."*

So, for me, I tink dat I am gonna stop an smell da roses a wittle bit more dis year (tank God we don't haf a boy dog anymore! Dat cud be dangerous! hee-hee). I tink dat I am gonna find sum of da wittle tings in life an appreciate dem more 'cause wen it comes wight down to it, it's weally de only tings dat matter.

Luv,
Jazzy the Amazing Wiener

*Matthew 6:25-34

New Year's Resolution #4

2009-12-29T14:31:00.002-06:00

Hey, all ewe wiener lovers! I'm back wid my top five New Year's Rezolushuns. Weady for #4?

New Year's Rezolushun #4: Take more naps!

Dis is da life!

See, wen hewmons are wittle kids, dey haf to take naps. Even wen Mom went to kinnergarden like a hundred years ago, she sed dat she had to take a nap everyday! So I ask ewe, how comes wen hewmons grows up dey don't take naps? How come it is all dey do now is rush around all da time, twyin' to fit in everyting...even sum tings dat aren't weally important?! An all da time, dey are tired, tired, tired! I tells ewe whut, when I take a nap, I wake up refreshed an weady to bite Katie! Um...did I jest type dat? I meant, I waked up refreshed an weady to go! ;)

I tink dat der are lots of tings hewmons shud do dat dey don't do jest 'cause dey are all grown-up. I meen, look at it frum my perspective as Jazzy the Amazing Wiener! Okay, okay, look at it frum da perspective of a dog. We haf jobs. Sure, most of us don't get out an punch clocks, but we patrol da yard, we bark an let our hewmons nos sumone is at da door, we protect our pack and we luv our hewmons. But at da same time, we make sure to take time each day to play. We take naps. We gets up, we stretch, we go out an run da yard, we eat, we play, we nap, an den we do it all again. An we're happy! We don't worry if Princess da Poodle has a new collar or if Ralph the Beagle gots a new dog house! We is jest happy to be!

How comes all hewmons do is worry an feel stressed all da time? I tink it's 'cause dey haf forgot how to "just be." Dogs don't fret about da past, we don't worry about da future. We live for now. I like to tink dat da Big Guy upstairs is takin' care of everyting, so why shud I worry about it? I wead a quote sumwheres dat said, "Every evening I turn my worries over to God. He's going to be up all night anyway."*

I like dat. I figure if I worry all da time, I wudn't haf time to pick on Dopey Katie, let my pet Ms. Lily clean my ears, take naps, or do any of da tings dat I like to do!

So, on dat note, I'd like to gif ewe a wittle bit of advice frum da wurds of a weally famous hewmon: " To be or not to be?" I'd say "just be."

Luv,
Jazzy the Amazing Wiener

*Quote by Mary C. Crowley

New Year's Resolution #5

2009-12-28T14:18:00.005-06:00

Hey, all ewe wiener lovers! Dis iz Jazzy the Amazing Wiener coming to you wid her "Top 5 New Year's Resolutions!" Actually, I spell it resolushun, but Mom sed da search engines might not understand dat. Oh, phooey!

I decided for da next five days, I'll do my top five. So, for my very first one, here it is:

New Year's Rezolushun #5: Be Nicer to Dopey Katie

"Get off my table! Dis iz my photo shoot!"

As ewe kan see, it's prolly gonna be a weally hard resolushun to live up to considerin' she makes me so mad sumtimes, but I'm gonna twy because I am a wiener of my word!

Whut are ur New Year's Resolutions gonna be dis year? I tink everyone shud twy to be nicer. Especially to der animals. Twy to help a poor homeless dog or cat dis year. Volunteer at ur local rescue or humane society. Yeah, it might brake ur heart an make ewe sad, but it will make a homeless dog or cat weally happy to haf sumone luv them, if only for a little while. Like Nike sez, just doo it!

Happy New Year, everyone!

Luv,
Jazzy the Amazing Wiener

It's been awhile...

2009-12-26T13:15:00.005-06:00

Hey all ewe wiener lovers! Merry Day After Christmas! I nos dat it's been awhile since I've had a chance to blog. Mom keeps sayin' she's bizzy, but whut is more important dan me getting to blog, I ask ewe? Nuthin'! Nuthin' I tells ewe!

Well, lots has happened since we last talked. Wemember how wittle Lily's puppies were? I called dem The Squeakers 'cause all dey did was squeak!

The Squeakers

Well, dey all growed up now an haf new homes! Here's der new pikchurs. Aren't dey cute?

Penny, Jake and Lily

Dey gots weally gud homes, too. One of dem is living with a great family an a cat named Badger. Dat wud be Penny, da girl. Da boy, Jake, is living with a great family with two big Akitas! He has a really gud time telling da big dogs whut to do!

Before dey left, Mom taked der Christmas pikchur. Here it is...

Merry Christmas from The Squeakers

Mom sed da pikchur is going to be published in sum book. Soon as I find out, I'll let ewe nos. I haf to admit, I miss da little boogers. Jake did gets to come back for vacation an he had a weally gud time. He remembered wight off da bat dat I'm still da wiener-in-charge, but I letted him sleep in my bed wid me anyway. Katie was happy, too. She gots to eat his hed for awhile instead of mine! Lily was thrilled! She pwayed wid her boy a lot an nearly wore herself out!

Mom taked our pikchurs for Christmas, too. Here's our Christmas kard. I tink dat I look completely silly in my hat and I nos dat Katie looks completely silly. As for Lily, she looks kinda cute, but I do tink she let a stinker!

Merry Christmas from Jazzy, Katie, and Lily

I did tell Mom whut da captions shud be. I'm a pretty gud writer, I tink! Also, I tink for next year I'm gonna direct da photo shoot so I gets a bedder pikchur.

Did I tell ewe dat I gots my own WienerBites Facebook page? Yep, I do. So, now if ur on Facebook, ewe can become one of my fans. Mom sed since so many peeps asked for it, she wud set it up for me. I said, "Well, it's about damn time!" She tol me dat I shudn't cuss. An I told her she shud kiss my patootie! I tink I might get in trouble for dat one! Oh, well...when am I NOT in trouble?!

Well, dat's about all da Christmas news. Da weather here in Oklahoma is frightful an I'm weady for it to go melt an go away 'cause it's cold on my wittle paws. Oderwise, I'm jest waiting for 2010 to start 'cause I nos it's gonna be a great year! Plus, my birfday is January 20, for all of those who want to remember and maybe send me card or gifts! Treats are always welcome!!!

Well, all ewe wiener lovers, I tink dat it's time for my afternoon nap. I luvs all ewe all an hope dat ewe had a very Merry Christmas! See ewe soon!

Lily Had Puppies!

2009-10-02T01:01:00.001-05:00

Hey, all ewe wiener lovers! Ur not gonna belief whut happened tonight!

My pet, Lily, had puppies!!!! I'm offishully an Ant!!!

Here's my podcast to tell ewe all about it an I haf pikchurs below of da new puppies, too!

WienerBites Episode 2
(iPhone users click album art to play)

See, about a month ago, Mom got a phone call frum da Spy. I nos I shud call da Spy by her name, Angela, but she tells on me when I haf parties an stuff, so I calls her da Spy. Anyways, da Spy called an sed to Mom, "Ewe gots to come down to my wurk. Der's a little lost dog dat's been out here in da parking lot an it's gonna get runned over." Well, da Spy might haf talked a little bedder dan I type, but ewe nos whut I meen.

Anyways, Mom went an got da wittle dog. It was a Boston Terrier and da minute I saw her, I sed to Mom, "Kan we keep her?!" Mom sed no. But obviously dat's changed 'cause now Lily lives wid us and she's my pet and she had puppies!

See, we didn't nos dat Lily was pregnant when we rescued her! We twied to find her an owner, but no one wanted her. So Mom an da Spy kept her an she fit in nicely 'cause she kleened my ears an pestered Katie all da time. Dat makes her all wight in my book!

Anyways, I noticed she was getting a wittle fat one day an I even sed to her, "Hey, Lily, ur kinda turning into a wittle porker. Maybe knock off da tweats, okay?" But none of us thought she was gonna haf babies! But she did, she did, she did! Dis meens dat I am now offishully Jazzy the Amazing Wiener who's an Ant!!!

Here's sum pikchurs I took wid Mom's iPhone of da babies...

Lily and her babies
An da Spy took one of da first baby. It was a wittle girl. Da next one was a wittle boy!

Little Girl Puppy #1
It's so wittle! I don't tink I was quite dat little! Mom an da Spy haf Lily all settled down, so da babies cud nurse, which dey are doing. An dey squeak! When dey squeak, Katie shakes an twies to climb into Mom's lap! It kwacks me up!!! I laffed at her for being such a big scaredy Doberman!

Anyways, dat's whut happened tonight. An I haf to say, da Spy is all wight in my book. See, da Doktor tol her dat Lily wud haf died 'cause she cudn't haf da puppies normal 'cause dey was too big. So dey had to do a see-section, whutever dat is. An because da Spy saved Lily in da parking lot, she also saved da puppies, too. So, I wants to say dat I weally do tink ur okay, Ange, even if ewe are a Spy! Ur an official "Wiener," an only special tweeps get to be Wieners!

Also, Mom sed dat der were a lots of peeps dat helped tonight, 'specially her students dat put up wid her being kinda crazy during class. I wanna tell Bill an Camden dat dey are A-OK in my book an I am gonna make dem offishul "Wieners" for being der for Lily. Mom sed we shud name da puppies Billy an Camden 'cause dey helped out! An to Gary K. for drivin' over to make sure da Spy didn't pass out, even tho dey had alweady left. Tanks, G-man, for twyin' to help, too! Ur a Wiener in my book, too!

Whew! Whut a night! Dat's a lot for a little wiener like me to take in, so I tink I'll call it a night! Hopes all ewe haf a gweat day an I'll catch ya on da flip side!

WienerBites is podcasting live!

2009-09-27T03:46:00.017-05:00

Hey, all ewe wiener lovers! Guess whut, guess whut, guess whut?!?!

Guessed it yet?!

Mom finally let me start doing my own podcast! Yeppers, dat's wight! I'm now offishull ~ I gots my own WienerBites radio show! I'm like gonna be big like, I don't no, maybe Howard Stern minus all da stoopid an dirty stuff he says. Maybe I'll jest be big like a radio version of Oprah or Ellen! Not dat I'm live on da radio, but it's da next best ting to being here wid me! I gets to talk about anyting I want an Mom promised to post da tings I say in a podcast! So dis meens ewe gets to hear Jazzy the Amazing Wiener talk! So, if ewe haf always wondered, "Hmm, I wunner whut Jazzy sounds like!" Well, now ewe nos!

Mom even made me an offishul album cover. Here it is...

WienerBites Episode 1
(iPhone users click album art to play)

Now, anytime ewe see dis album cover wid da headphones icon, ewe nos all ewe gotta do is click it and listen to a new podcast! I'll also post old episodes on da blog in de Archives once we get sum.

Is dis kool or whut?! How many wieners ewe no dat haf their own podcast?! I wunner if we could change it to "wienercast?!"

Mom sed she'd also start lettin' me do sum video, but it wud take awhile 'cause she don't haf time to do all dis for me all da time. I tol her, "Mom, look, now I nos ewe got a bidness to run, but come on...who's gonna make ewe famous?! It's not Katie an it's not Lily...it's me! I'm da famous one, Mom. Me. I'm da one who gets fan mail. I got tweeps. I gots followers. Don't ewe tink dat maybe ewe shud make time for me?!"

Once again, Mom jest looked at me an sighed. I herd her mutter sumting about, "Stinkin' little wiener's got da big hed..." or sumtin like dat. I don't no whut dat meens, but my hed's not big at all. Now Katie's hed was big an Grady's was, too, but I gots a little wiener hed. I tink Mom needs to check her glasses!

Anyways, I jest wanted to let ewe all no dat I'll be talkin' to ewe all now!

Coming up next...
Yes, I wemember dat I was supposed to tell more of my birth story and I promise I will. I also haf to tell ewe about my new pet, Lily. I gots my own pet! Isn't dat kool? Anyways, I gots to go, but I luv ewe all an will be back soon!

Jazzy in the Country

2009-08-21T20:49:00.010-05:00

Hey, all ewe wiener lovers! We're baaack!

Dis blog is all about our trip to da kountry! We went to Arkansas to see Mamaw, Papaw, and Nanny, which was kool 'cause Mamaw cooks weally good food, Papaw tinks we're cute, and Nanny jest loves us to death! But seriously, we gots sum stuff to say about da kountry!

Like, for one, haf dey ever herd of a lawnmower?! I mean, look at my pikchur below!

Where's Jazzy?!

I am surprised dat Mom didn't lose me! It was like "Where's Waldo?!" Oh, an not only was it tall grass, but it was wet, tall grass! Do ewe weally tink dat I wanted to get wet first ting in da morning, Mom?!

Tail Rudder Navigation

Going to The Barn
Next ting ewe know, Mom gets dis bright idea to go to de barn. Now, keep in mind, I am a wittle wiener! Walkin' to da refrigerator is my idea of a long walk. Da barn has to be, I don't know, like a million miles from da house! Well, maybe not a million, but at least a mile or two. Okay, maybe not even a mile, more like a long football field, but still! I'm wittle! My legs are short! I not a Greyhound, peeple!

I start out hoppin' like a wabbit, which Mom tinks is cute an takes a ton of pikchurs. Cute my butt! Dis is hard work for my wittle legs! But I'll show her! I keep going, den I finally find a break in da grass, kick up some speed, and zoom, der I go, tail still in da wind!

Making a Break!

Well, we finally made it to da barn. I tell ya, I wunned my patootie off tryin' to get to da barn. Why? Here I was, tinking da "barn" was sum kool place dat had, like, I don't know, maybe treats or sumthin' like dat 'cause I herd dat cows lived in barns. And cows make milk, which makes ice cream, which I like, an den I started tinking of Frosty Paws, den I got hungry...

Oh, I digress. Sorry...

Resting before entering The Barn

Do ewe know what was in da barn?! Do you?! Ewe haf any stinkin' idea whut my Mom dragged my patootie to?! A dusty, hay-filled, spider-lovin barn filled full of cobwebs, dirt, wood, and did I mention dirt?! I never sawed so much dirt in my life! Not one stinkin' cow in sight, peeple! No milk! An sure as heck, no ice cream! I did all dat wunning for nothing!

Oh, and do ewe tink dat Mom wud pick me up and carry me back to da house?! Oh, no! She made me hop back jest like I went 'cause she was takin' more pikchurs, dis time of Katie, who was wunning through da grass like a crazed wabbit! Or maybe a crazed wabbit on steroids!

Katie the Rabbit

Of course, Katie loved da grass 'cause she's tall and she could leap through it in single bounds. Yeah, it makes her sound like SuperDog, which she's not. More like StupidDog, but dat's anoder subject for anoder blog!

I haf to say though, an if ewe tell her I sed dis, I will deny it wid my dying breath...watching Katie wun through the grass is poetry in motion. She's wuns weally pretty and has such a good time! She's such a goofy puppy!

Okay, like I sed, not a wurd to Kooky Katie.

Mom did take one pikchur of Katie dat was weally pretty. I guess I shud show it to ewe, but den I need to get back to being meen to her and writin' de rest of my blog about da kountry.

Katie the Doberman

Meanwhile, back at the ranch...
So, Mom finished takin' pikchurs and I figgered, "okay, now she'll pick me up!" Did she? No! I swear, I weally need to haf a talk wid her about her wesponsibilities as a wiener owner! She needs to wealize dat we shudn't haf to be forced to walk wen der are perfectly good arms around to carry us back! Instead, we wunned all da way back to da house, in da soppin' wet grass after getting in da dirt in the icky, cobweb-filled barn. I meen, take a look at how wet I am!

Kiss my patootie!

See dat face? Ewe know what it's saying? Yep, dat's right. Kiss my patootie, Mom! I'm wet, my paws are filthy, and der wasn't even a cow in sight to give me sum ice cream or Frosty Paws! Sheesh! What a wasted twip!

My Tongue is Falling Out!

An look at how long my tongue is! It's a wunder it didn't fall wight out of my mouth! I was one pooped wiener, I tell ewe!

After da barn fiasco, I promptly went inside da house, told Mom in no uncertain terms dat I wudn't ever go to a barn again unless I saw weal evidence of manure and cows, and dat I was going to Nanny's for a nap! She jest looked at me and sighed as she often does.

Gizmo, my boyfriend (not!)
While I was at Mamaw's, I got to see Gizmo, my boyfriend. Or so he tinks. Gizmo is a Miniature Pinscher. Mom took sum pikchurs of him an posted dem awhile back. He's handsome enough, but jest not my type. I like 'em a little bit taller. For one, all he does is lick my neck, like dat's gonna make me like him or sumthin. I told him, "Gizmo, I'm not a lollipop. Stop lickin' my neck!" but he jest keeped doing it. Ick! Boys! Katie twied to get him to play wid her, but all he wud do was growl and go back to twyin' to lick my neck. I tink Gizmo needs a new hobby.

Seeing my Nanny
I did get to see my Nanny while I was in Arkansas. Nanny is Mamaw's Mom and my Mom's grandma. I love my Nanny! She holds me and loves me and tells me how sweet I am!

Note to Mom: Listen to Nanny and copy everyting she does, okay?

I waited each mornin' for Nanny to get up, den I raced over to her door and waited for Mom to take me in, den I got to sit in Nanny's lap forever! It was the best ting in the world. I wud gif her da best kisses and she jest giggled. Den she wud hold me in her arms like a baby and rock me. I love my Nanny sooo sooo much! Here's a pikchur of me and my Nanny. Aren't we the prettiest things?!

Aren't we cute?

Y'all Come Back Now, Ya Hear?
All in all, I tink my twip to da kountry was fun, but I tink before I goes back, I might haf to check wid Papaw and see if he's mowed da lawn or not. Or at least cut me a path to da barn. Oh, and I tink I'll ask Papaw if he cud get sum cows up der 'cause dat wud weally be good to haf sum ice cream in da barn once I wunned so hard to get der! An maybe Mamaw cud haf sum ice cream waitin' for me when I gots back to da house. Or maybe at least a ham sandwich or sumthin!

Well, all ewe wieners, hope ewe enjoyed my post. And as dey say in Arkansas, "Y'all come back again weal soon, ya hear?"

Happy Birthday, Grady, I miss you!

2009-08-04T23:30:00.006-05:00

Hey, all ewe wiener lovers! Okay, first ting ewe might notice is I'm typin' like I normally tweet! Whut does dis meen for all my loyal readers? Well, it meens my spellin' an grammar ain't too good. Mom an I had a weally long diskussion about it and although she tinks dat I shud spell my stuff right, I told her, "Mom, look...my fans like da way I talk, so ewe jest need to get ofer urself and let me type like I want!" She jest shook her hed at me and sighed. She does dat a lot!

I nos I promised more about my birth story, but today I wanna talk about my big brother, Grady. Today is his birfday an he wud haf been 11 years old. Yeah, dat meens he's gone on to da Rainbow Bridge last year. I miss him oh so much an I know Mom does, too. He was my giant bubby, so I'm gonna tell ewe a wittle bit about him...

Baron Grady O'Malley (Grady)

Grady was a weally big Doberman Pinscher who weighed, like, I dunno, maybe like a thousand pounds! Well, maybe not dat much, but he was weally big, like 138! Wen I met Grady, I was a wittle whippersnapper an only wayed like, not even a pound! I went up to him, sniffed him weally good, and ewe no whut he did?! He was skeered! Seeriously, the big galoob was skeered to death of me! Don't belief me? Look at dis pikchur!

Grady cryin' for his Momma!

I hadn't even dun nothin' when he started cryin' like a big baby! I had to tell Mom, "Look, mom, all I did was sit by him and he started crying 'she's touchin' me! she's touchin' me!' I weally didn't hurt him, I promise!" I tink dat was da beginning of Mom's sighs wid me an all...

So, wight afer dat happened, I sed, "Look, big guy, I promise I'm not gonna hurt ewe. I jest wanna get one ting straight, okay?" He looked at me wid dos big brown eyes, an sed, "Let me guess...ur in charge?" I toll him, "Wow, ur weally smart for a Doberman!" He jest sighed weally big, too. I dunno how come everyone sighs around me so much!

Coming to an understanding

Later, he toll me dat his older broder, Tyler, used to be in charge, so he was used to it. Grady never was one to care who was in charge, jest so long as someone was in charge of fillin' da food bowl!

My big broder, Grady, was a weally awesome dog. When I was wittle bitty, he wud let me take da toys away frum him, even tho I nos he cud prolly eat me wid one bite! He never, ever, ever even growled at me, even tho I was sumtimes meen to him. I wud snap and snarl, an even twied to hump his leg a few times! I dunno if dogs roll der eyes, but I figger Grady prolly rolled his a time or two wid me when I was a silly little wiener puppy!

Da thing dat I loved about Grady more dan anything in da world is dat he wud let me sleep on him! I wud crawl up on him, snuggle in, and he never made me move ever! Once, he was weally tired and rolled over on me. I guess he thought dat since I always slept on him, he cud on me, too. Well, while it mite haf been a photo op for mom, it did kinda squish me! Jest look...I'm a wittle freaked out!

Best friends

Aktually, I was okay until he snored. Geez louise! Talk about rattle da rafters! Mom took tons of pikchurs, den made dis one into a pet greeting card for TylerDog Cards. I tink it's my favorite card of all time 'cause it has my bubby an me on it.

After havin' him in my life for five whole yeers, my sweet broder, Grady, died last year at da age of 9 yeers old. Der isn't a day dat goes by dat I don't tink of him. I miss how he used to let me sit between his paws an chew on him. An I miss how he wud always go outside wid me to make sure nothin' ever got me. I miss how he wud come running if I ever barked, jest to make sure everything was all wight. An I weally miss how we used to sing wen da fire trucks went by...boy, were we ever a doo-et! I guess, wen it's all sed an done, I jest miss my big brother.

Rest in peace, sweet Grady. I love ewe...

Baron Grady O'Malley

August 4, 1998 ~ May 2, 2008

My birth story

2009-07-06T16:14:00.004-05:00

Hey, all you wiener lovers! Hope you had a very safe and happy 4th of July! It was fairly uneventful around here. Well, other than Katie quaking with fear every time a firecracker went off. I hate to admit it, but even I felt sorry for her!

Okay, as promised, today is the story of my birth. I was born January 20, 2003. Now, as you can see from my picture above, I was a very tiny little baby! What happened was, my Papa, who happens to be my Momma's nephew, wanted a Miniature Dachshund. Momma said he could finally get one after her old Dobie, Tyler, passed away. I never met Tyler, but from what I heard, he was an awesome Doberman who lived to be 13 years old! More on him later.

So the search was on for a most amazing wiener puppy!

Our Mamaw, who is my Momma's Mom and my Papa's Grandma (see, I told you I have a weird family structure!), just happened to find me in the hills of Arkansas. Can you say road trip?! When they got there, my Papa fell in love with me. Can you blame him? I mean, just look at how darn cute I am!

I was so very tiny! I was nine weeks old in the picture above and weighed less than one pound! I have chew toys bigger than that! But my Momma and Papa loved me! Of course, they also christened me with that godawful Star Trek moniker I spoke of earlier, so I question exactly how much they loved me! But it's all good. I ended up with a cool name, Jazzy the Amazing Wiener! Okay, so maybe I added "...the amazing wiener" part, but it's true and you know it!

So that's the end of the story.

Not really...

Just wanted to make sure you were still paying attention. :)

Next thing you know, I have to go to the doggie hospital 'cause my poo didn't look good (yes, you get all the gory details in this blog! and what's even worse is that Mom looked at my poo. Ick!). The doggie doctor told my Momma I caught something at my previous home, I was very sick, and might not make it! Plus, on top of that, I was very skinny to be nine weeks old even though my little belly was fat! Oh, and to make things even worse, my fontanelle (the soft spot on the top of a baby's skull) wasn't closed! He told Momma it didn't look good!

(If this were a Grey's Anatomy episode, dramatic music would be cued about right now, McDreamy would be looking grim, and Meredith would look, well, like freaked-out Meredith always looks!)

Back to the story. Mom had just lost Tyler and she was determined she wasn't going to lose me, so she and my Papa took turns feeding me every few hours and giving me medicine. They watched me like a hawk! Looking back, it explains the weird dreams of giants looming over me that I had as an infant!

In just a few weeks, I bounced back with a vengeance and next thing you know, I'm up eating kibble like a pro! The plate's bigger than me, but by golly I still ate like the little piglet I am!

Granted, I still wasn't very big, but I knew I was going to turn out to be one amazing wiener, which I have done! That was a whole six years ago and boy, do I have a lot of stories to tell over the past six years. I've been through a lot for a little wiener. These Hollywood stars, they ain't got nothing on me for drama and excitement!

Like next up, when Momma and Papa brought me home, they introduced me to a giant dog that weighed 138 pounds! And I'm not kidding when I say giant. He was a mutant! He could have been Primus in Transformers! They put me on the floor with this huge, black dog that looked like me, but I tell ya, his paw was bigger than my head! That's the next story you get to hear: meeting the infamous Grady the Doberman!

A little trivia about our first meeting: Grady was scared of me! :)

So, that's the story of my birth. Like I said, I bounced back with a vengeance! The picture below shows me only a few weeks after my near-death experience. Don't I look cute?!

Until then, all you wiener lovers, this is Jazzy the Amazing Wiener saying live long and prosper! Oh, my dog! Where did that come from?! See, Mom, you've ruined me with your Star Trek stuff! Sheesh!

Later wieners!
Love, Jazzy the Amazing Wiener

Happy Birthday, Katie!

2009-07-01T17:09:00.001-05:00

Hey, all you wiener lovers! I know I promised my birth story next, but much to my chagrin, I forgot that today is Katie's birthday and she's a whole two years old! Now, for those of you who don't know Katie, well, Katie is my sister, a Doberman Pinscher (I told you I had a weird family story coming!). Mom brought her home two years ago and, while I didn't mind at the time because she was little, well, I sorta mind now. It's not that she's that bad, to be honest. It's just that I get really tired of her sticking my head down her throat! It's like she's measuring me for a hat with her mouth. Sheesh!

Anyway, when Mom first brought her home, she really was kinda cute. She played with me a lot and slept in my bed. Even now, if I lie down, she wants to sleep in my bed. What a baby! You'd think, her being a big, tough Doberman Pinscher, she'd act like it. No, not Katie! She's a wiener, and not in a good way like me! She's a pain in my patootie!

I mean, I can't go anywhere without Katie wanting to go. Gotta go pee? Katie comes to sniff. Gotta go poo? Katie comes to sniff. What?! Is she demented or something?! It's not like I go around sniffing her business, ya know! Sometimes, I just wanna go out and be a big girl dog, for cryin' out loud, without my little sister tagging along! I can't even meet the cute dog down the street without Katie nosing in, wanting to know what's going on and what I'm doing!

Oh, and get this! By now, most of you know I star in my Momma's greeting card line, TylerDog Cards. I'm like a major star, probably bigger than Oprah. Well, maybe not Oprah, but at least as big as Rachael Ray! So, like I'm a star. And I know how to pose. I wrote the book on posing for dog photography! And what does Katie do? She thinks that because she's new, she should get top billing! The minute Mom turns on the lights, Katie jumps up on the posing table, thinking she's the one who should be having her picture taken!

Well, this last time Mom set-up the lights, I let her have it! I'd already put up with enough of her prima donna ways, so when Mom put me on the table and Katie thought she should be up there, too, I really let her have it. Just look below to see my response...

Aren't my teeth pretty?! I tell you, I let her know beyond a shadow of a doubt, it was my turn and she needed to get off of my posing table! Needless to say, Mom had to intervene because Katie, the big crybaby, whined and cried. Geez! What a big baby!

Oh, wait...this was supposed to be a birthday tribute, right?

Well, I guess, when it's all said and done, I actually do sorta like Katie. She reminds me a little bit of my big brother, Grady, whom I will tell you about in coming posts. And Katie does love me. She's just young and stupid sometimes, like we all can be. Well, not me, but you know, everyone else. :)

And on that note, I suppose I should say, "Happy birthday, Katie! I love you!"

WienerBites Blog Has Arrived!

2009-06-28T13:59:00.001-05:00

Oh, my dog! My blog has officially arrived! It took Mom forever to get it done, but it's here and now I finally have enough room to say what I want! I love my twitter, but that 140 character limit was killing me! I'm a Wiener with a lot to say, ya know!

Okay, first things first. Mom told me that if I had a blog, I absolutely could not misspell stuff like I've been doing on twitter. I informed her since I didn't have thumbs, she needs to take another look at exactly who was doing the typing! She just shook her head at me and walked away. I think I got her!

So, for those of you who don't know me (like maybe five people in the entire world!), my name is Jazzy the Amazing Wiener! Well, actually my name is Jazzy or Jazz. Sometimes it's Baby Girl. And sometimes it's Damn Dog (be forewarned, this is a PG-13 blog. Sometimes I might say the D-word, but that's all. Mom said I have a dirty mouth. I told her to kiss my patootie!).

Anyway, back to the story...

Officially, my real name is Jadzia Dax of Poogie. Now, could we just stop a minute and discuss parents who name their kids really weird stuff? And yes, I am my Mom and Papa's kid, so for the non-dog people who take issue with this word usage, first off, why are you reading my blog?! And secondly, maybe I don't walk on two legs, but I am my Mom and Papa's kid! Note to readers: my even weirder family history of Mom and Papa will also be explained soon. It's an Arkansas thing!

Now, where was I? Oh, yeah...

I mean, come on ~ Jadzia Dax of Poogie?! What kind of name is that?! Do you have any idea the humiliation I have gone through, knowing I'm named after some Star Trek character?! The dogs in the neighborhood have had a field day with it! "Oh, oh, beam me up, Jazzy!" or "Make it so, Jazzy!" or "Got your phaser on stun, Captain Jazzy?!" Please!!!

The rest of my name is my Papaw's nickname when he was a kid, so I'm not too grumpy over that!

However...

Why couldn't Mom have named me Angelina Jolie the Hottest Wiener Around? or maybe Sandra The Butt-kicking Wiener Bullock? or even Paula Deen the Best Cooking Wiener Ever! At least she didn't name me Princess or Fluffy or one of those frou-frou names. I am not a frou-frou dog, for cryin' out loud! (No offense to any Princesses or Fluffys, but we're not just fluffy material!)

But I digress...

I guess my name's not half bad after all because, for one, I am a jazzy little dog!

Well, since this is my first blog post, I don't wanna wear you out reading, so come back again soon and I'll tell you my birth story next.

Until then, this is Jazzy the Amazing Wiener signing off!