Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Happy Birthday, Katie!

Hey, all you wiener lovers! I know I promised my birth story next, but much to my chagrin, I forgot that today is Katie's birthday and she's a whole two years old! Now, for those of you who don't know Katie, well, Katie is my sister, a Doberman Pinscher (I told you I had a weird family story coming!). Mom brought her home two years ago and, while I didn't mind at the time because she was little, well, I sorta mind now. It's not that she's that bad, to be honest. It's just that I get really tired of her sticking my head down her throat! It's like she's measuring me for a hat with her mouth. Sheesh!

Anyway, when Mom first brought her home, she really was kinda cute. She played with me a lot and slept in my bed. Even now, if I lie down, she wants to sleep in my bed. What a baby! You'd think, her being a big, tough Doberman Pinscher, she'd act like it. No, not Katie! She's a wiener, and not in a good way like me! She's a pain in my patootie!

I mean, I can't go anywhere without Katie wanting to go. Gotta go pee? Katie comes to sniff. Gotta go poo? Katie comes to sniff. What?! Is she demented or something?! It's not like I go around sniffing her business, ya know! Sometimes, I just wanna go out and be a big girl dog, for cryin' out loud, without my little sister tagging along! I can't even meet the cute dog down the street without Katie nosing in, wanting to know what's going on and what I'm doing!

Oh, and get this! By now, most of you know I star in my Momma's greeting card line, TylerDog Cards. I'm like a major star, probably bigger than Oprah. Well, maybe not Oprah, but at least as big as Rachael Ray! So, like I'm a star. And I know how to pose. I wrote the book on posing for dog photography! And what does Katie do? She thinks that because she's new, she should get top billing! The minute Mom turns on the lights, Katie jumps up on the posing table, thinking she's the one who should be having her picture taken!

Well, this last time Mom set-up the lights, I let her have it! I'd already put up with enough of her prima donna ways, so when Mom put me on the table and Katie thought she should be up there, too, I really let her have it. Just look below to see my response...

Aren't my teeth pretty?! I tell you, I let her know beyond a shadow of a doubt, it was my turn and she needed to get off of my posing table! Needless to say, Mom had to intervene because Katie, the big crybaby, whined and cried. Geez! What a big baby!

Oh, wait...this was supposed to be a birthday tribute, right?

Well, I guess, when it's all said and done, I actually do sorta like Katie. She reminds me a little bit of my big brother, Grady, whom I will tell you about in coming posts. And Katie does love me. She's just young and stupid sometimes, like we all can be. Well, not me, but you know, everyone else. :)

And on that note, I suppose I should say, "Happy birthday, Katie! I love you!"

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Sunday, June 28, 2009

WienerBites Blog Has Arrived!

Oh, my dog! My blog has officially arrived! It took Mom forever to get it done, but it's here and now I finally have enough room to say what I want! I love my twitter, but that 140 character limit was killing me! I'm a Wiener with a lot to say, ya know!

Okay, first things first. Mom told me that if I had a blog, I absolutely could
not misspell stuff like I've been doing on twitter. I informed her since I didn't have thumbs, she needs to take another look at exactly who was doing the typing! She just shook her head at me and walked away. I think I got her!

So, for those of you who don't know me (like maybe five people in the entire world!), my name is Jazzy the Amazing Wiener! Well, actually my name is Jazzy or Jazz. Sometimes it's Baby Girl. And sometimes it's Damn Dog (be forewarned, this is a PG-13 blog. Sometimes I might say the D-word, but that's all. Mom said I have a dirty mouth. I told her to kiss my patootie!).

Anyway, back to the story...

Officially, my real name is
Jadzia Dax of Poogie. Now, could we just stop a minute and discuss parents who name their kids really weird stuff? And yes, I am my Mom and Papa's kid, so for the non-dog people who take issue with this word usage, first off, why are you reading my blog?! And secondly,
maybe I don't walk on two legs, but I am my Mom and Papa's kid! Note to readers: my even weirder family history of Mom and Papa will also be explained soon. It's an Arkansas thing!

Now, where was I? Oh, yeah...

I mean, come on ~ Jadzia Dax of Poogie?! What kind of name is that?! Do you have any idea the humiliation I have gone through, knowing I'm named after some Star Trek character?! The dogs in the neighborhood have had a field day with it! "Oh, oh, beam me up, Jazzy!" or "Make it so, Jazzy!" or "Got your phaser on stun, Captain Jazzy?!" Please!!!

The rest of my name is my Papaw's nickname when he was a kid, so I'm not too grumpy over that!


Why couldn't Mom have named me Angelina Jolie the Hottest Wiener Around? or maybe Sandra The Butt-kicking Wiener Bullock? or even Paula Deen the Best Cooking Wiener Ever! At least she didn't name me Princess or Fluffy or one of those frou-frou names. I am
not a frou-frou dog, for cryin' out loud! (No offense to any Princesses or Fluffys, but we're not just fluffy material!)

But I digress...

I guess my name's not half bad after all because, for one, I am a jazzy little dog!

Well, since this is my first blog post, I don't wanna wear you out reading, so come back again soon and I'll tell you my birth story next.

Until then, this is Jazzy the Amazing Wiener signing off!